‘50 Shades of Grey’ in my very own house

chrissycsmith August 15, 2014 Comments Off on ‘50 Shades of Grey’ in my very own house
‘50 Shades of  Grey’ in my very own house

So that “50 Shades of Grey” movie is coming out soon. I know this because I am on Facebook where everyone learns everything. Everyone and their grandmother (yes, some grandmothers) are posting the trailer for this movie, and…anyway. That is how I know about it, not because I have any interest in seeing it nor would I ever read such smut, especially not in hardback.
Besides, who needs to see the movie when I have 50 Shades of Grey going on right here in my house? That’s right. I said it. In my kitchen. Over the sink. Next to the oven backsplash. In the breakfast area.
Paint. I’m talking about paint, people. This is a family newspaper.
I’ve got varying swatches of grey everywhere, and I cannot for the life of me settle on a single one of them.
They are painted all over my walls, some bordering the trim, while others edge the backsplash. And then there are the samples slapped up hither and yon, no rhyme or reason to their placement, and no identifying them at this point, either, because now I have forgotten which sample paint goes with which swatch.
I did not plan this out well.
“It looks like a crazy person lives here,” my husband surveyed the walls grey-splotched walls.
And that’s about all he’s had to say about it. I am looking for the perfect shade of grey, and this is IMPORTANT STUFF. This paint will extend through our kitchen, into our breakfast area, and into our ENTIRE LIVING ROOM. Weighty decisions, people. One wrong move, and we have purple undertones in our living room in the early evening. Or hints of green in the kitchen in the morning sun. Careful and close examination are required, as well as 14 paint samples procured from stores all over town.
This grey, it is going to be SPECTACULAR. It could change our lives.
Probably not. But it will change the look of our home, which is why I have spent at least 13 hours on Pinterest obsessing over it. Meanwhile my husband, who is not on Pinterest, has been wandering the house with his EarPods tucked in his ears, listening to I don’t even know what, and not giving this paint matter the attention it deserves.
“OK, so what do you think of these?” I held up two poster boards next to the fireplace mantel, a different grey swatch painted on each.
“Yeah, those are nice,” he said, glancing up briefly.
(Fellas, a little tip. Saying something is “nice” is not helpful. Instead, it is quite like saying, “I don’t really care about what you are talking about, not even a little.” Or, more politely, “Are you talking?”
That is what we hear when you say something is nice. “Those shoes? Yeah, they look nice.” “Yeah, I guess that’s a nice pattern for throw pillows.”
Do not say those things. This ends my PSA for the day.)
The husband, he could tell I was not thrilled with his COMPLETELY AWFUL response, so he quickly added, “Uh, I think the top one looks good. What do you think?”
He really didn’t want to know what I thought, I’m pretty sure, but I told him anyway, and for about 45 minutes. And then I made him re-examine with me all of the swatches in all of the areas of the kitchen, which I’m pretty sure he loved.
Still the quest for the perfect grey continues. Today I dragged the 4-year-old and 1-year-old back to the paint store for another paint sample, and that was super fun if you enjoy taking small children into a giant store filled with hammers.
It will all be worth it in the end, though. Right? When it’s just me and my grey, my lovely, warm grey with hints of tan and not-purpley taupe, the perfect neutral that is not beige. NOT BEIGE.
And it will only haven taken 17 sample pots to get there.

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